Dear ABBY: I am the mother of a 16-year-old daughter, “Leia”. She has lived with my parents since she was 10 years old because that is what she and my people wanted at the time. I didn’t want it to, but I let it happen because I had health problems.
Leia chose to stay there because my parents spoiled her rotten, and they continue to spoil and coddle her.
This has resulted in her becoming the most selfish, questioning, disrespectful person my parents and I have ever seen, and they now want her to live with me.
I predicted (just to myself) that she would turn out this way because of their “parenting”. My parents raised an entitled teenager and now expect me to suffer the consequences of what they did.
They pester me with their health issues as a reason they want her gone. I don’t want her to come here. I don’t want to deal with her attitude and try to keep her from running away.
I also don’t want to lose my daughter forever because they kicked her out, but she doesn’t like my rules. What advice do you have? – MOTHER OF A CITIZEN
Dear Mother: Your parents took your daughter because of your health problems. You enabled their poor parenting to continue by allowing your daughter to live with them and not speak.
After all, Leia is your responsibility until she’s 18, and maybe even longer.
Your parents must now explain to Leia that due to their poor health, she will be staying with you.
As a minor, this decision is not hers to make. (It shouldn’t have been in the first place.)
When she and her things arrive, explain what your house rules will be and the reasons for them.
If she threatens to run away, note that if that happens, she could become a state guard and guardianship may be less pleasant than staying with the mother who loves her but doesn’t like who Leia has become. while living with the elders.
Dear ABBY: Two couples I know are getting married soon. Both couples plan to have small, intimate weddings in the near future and larger, grander weddings later. Everyone has their own reasons for doing this.
What is the gift policy when someone has two weddings?
I’ve already bought something for a couple’s small wedding and will likely attend their big one, but should I buy them a gift for that too? Or is a small wedding gift enough for every couple? — MAYSIR EXECUTED IN OHIO
DEAR MYSIR: Wedding gifts are given at the WEDDING party. What these friends are planning is an “event” in the following their intimate wedding.
No etiquette requires you to give the couple two separate gifts.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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